Waterfall in the moonlight, a dream I had 2 days ago

Two days ago I had this dream about a waterfall in the moonlight

A painting and a strange phoenomenon

I've made this painting yesterday and while I was painting it my mind was travelling to Greece. Iwas thinking about Athens. I was thinking about the Monastiraki square, the streets of Athens and the Mediteranean Sea.  Then I was thinking about Egypt and I've seen a short thin Egyptian woman in the human silhouette I was painting.

I wanted to paint a flame that resembles the shape of the human body but I ended up painting a woman with oriental facial features. with a clear face. I wanted to make her look happy but her face was sad. I tried  to paint again over what I painted but sadness and tears remained there every time I tried to change the look of her face. I tried to paint her long dark hair but I just could not paint it.
Then I used the paintbrush to paint without looking at the canvas and instead of painting the hair I covered her head with a veil made of silk, so smooth, so soft. Finally the sadness on her face has disappeared, being replaced by a meditative state of mind.
The I felt something is missing, the holly moon above, so I painted the moon too.


You can watch me painting in the video below.

Making of a painting - The rebirth of the divine feminine

My dream of a waterfall in the moonlight

Yesterday I had a dream about a waterfall in the moonlight so I've made this drawing of the image in my dream

Beta pictoris, painting

On friday I've made a painting of the Beta Pictoris star in the Pictor constellation, the dust disk around it and the planet Beta Pictoris b.  I've also made sone ball point pen drawings of this system.

In the video below you can watch me making the painting of Beta Pictoris

Desire

These are the drawings and painting I've made being inspired by the poem "Dorinta" (desire) by the Romanian poet Mihai Eminescu, since the year 2000. I really fell in love with the young girl with long blond hair he was writing his poems about. He loved her. She died when she was just 19 and that has left a deep pain in Eminescu's soul. He wrote many poems about his loss.
I've made this drawings and paintings imagining she is next to me so I can feel her in my arms, touch her, kiss her.

I don't wanna be troubled again

I don't wanna be troubled again, like I was in high-school when I've made this drawing imagining I can love and be loved like anyone else does, just imagining because I was not allowed to really live my life. By that time I was so lonely, being rejected and even bullied by the kids at school because I was not dating boys. I've never liked boys.  I was just 15 when I've made this. This drawing was like a file in diary to me and now it's a memory and that's why I keep it like I do with all of my drawings. Even if they have no artistic and estetic value they have a sentimental value for me. It was the spring of 2002. By that time the drawing was hidden. I was afraid. I was even afraid of my parents. I was so scared and miserable all the time but somewhere deep within there was hope, hope things will change and we will live in a better world, hope someday I will find that love and feel it, not only dream and make drawings about it, hope one day she will come into my life.

Things have changed slowly here in Romania but I am still single, living with my parents. I've never been with someone for more than one month. People have become more tolerant allowing me to live without feeling that fear and despair all the time and I've managed to have my own social life and make some friends who accept me as I am e but I still cannot be in  a relationship with a woman because here in Romania two women cannot be together. The only form of cohabitation recognized by the state is marriage between a man and a woman. These is still some fragile progress but I am so afraid things might go backwards now when christian right forces rise here in Romania and they want to change the constitution.
I am so afraid and I don't want to suffer again like I did before. I don't wanna go back to that. It was so hard for me to get out of it.